My thoughts
There are some misconceptions when it comes to relationships. As young people we are still trying to do some self exploration and development whilst also diving into relationships and in turn also trying to explore them. I think it can be particularly unproductive, when social media or society as a whole dishes out advice suggesting that relationships should be extremely difficult and at every moment you have to be fighting for that relationship. the reason I believe this to be unproductive is because to a young girl in her first ever relationship this advice may be particularly misleading. Imagine being in a relationship between the ages of 16-22, youre a young girl falling in love with this boy/man who at the same time is still trying to figure himself out and has his own insecurities and faults. No doubt one of you will make a mistake that upsets the other one, perhaps in this situation you forgive each other but from this point on you are now incredibly paranoid, insecure and the little understanding you had about yourself is now dissolving into nothing. There are somethings which don't seem quite right about the relationship, not necessarily that he's cheating on you, maybe he's quite controlling or your belief systems don't match up. Either way you're determined to ''work things out because relationships are hard work.'' To an extent I do agree that nothing good comes easily and work does have to put in to achieve any greatness in your life but I don't believe this to be applicable in all circumstances. You will never be enough for anyone who isn't even enough for themselves ( Disclaimer: this is the first of many cliche phrases I will be including in this blogpost). Naturally, if someone does wrong to you, you will wonder what you did to deserve this and how you can rectify it when in reality its nothing to do with you. You shouldn't have to prove that you're enough to anyone.
You might be wondering where I'm going with this and to be honest so am i. I guess the message I want to share with you guys is that relationships don't have to be hard work, they don't need to have you anxious, insecure and paranoid. They shouldn't leave you second guessing yourself. Trust your gut, if something doesn't feel right don't stick it out in the hopes that they will change. Most likely they won't change, and what you've allowed will continue. When someone shows you who they really are believe them. This may sound incredibly cliche but I learnt this the hard way. I once forgave and gave a guy a second chance after he disrespected me and went behind my back at the beginning of our relationship and sure enough this behaviour continued on in our almost 2 year relationship. He had convinced me that he wasn't the guy he had just shown me to be and so I fell for his words and ignored his actions. I started to believe that the hard work was me ignoring my gut feeling, letting go of the hurt that still resided deep in my heart or training myself not to check his laptop, iPad and phone overtime he left the room ( yes, I'm crazy, I know) because as women we are always taught to forgive in relationships. Sadly, I don't think people change that much. As the relationship progressed, feeling grew and we naturally formed a strong bond, so people may consider this to be the achievement after the ''hard work'' I had put in but was it worth the anger, the tears cried and loss of self? In the end we broke up for other personal reasons and I am grateful for the life experience and lessons I learnt,
I agree relationships aren't easy, and they do require constant self analysation which should lead to positive self development. It can be hard work in the sense that you now have to consider the feelings of another and it can be extremely difficult to learn to trust this new person in your life on top of any other personal hurdles you may be going over. But never be under the impression that you have to continuously accept the inequities of the relationship whilst you pour love into it and receive very little back.
Until next time,
Chengetai Victoria
xoxo
